The Gay Archive Project

Kimberly S. Yarbrough aka Sky is 45 years of age.  She was born in Fairbanks Alaska but now resides in Cambridge, Idaho.  She describes herself as a Big, Bold, Beautiful, Multi-Racial Womyn, who is receptive, introspective and known to be shy from time to time. A deep thinker.  “I’m at the beginning of claiming myself as a writer.”  Her life’s motto is “Live today as if it is your last day but remember that you have all the time in the world and that means take the risk in love and humanity.”

Sky, could you tell me a little bit about your childhood background?  Where you were born and raised?

I was born Kimberly Sue Yarbrough, in Fairbanks Alaska, on July 10th 1963 to Rachel and Letcher Yarbrough.  I still have a few memories of my birth place, mostly the mountains. The initials to my birth name rearranged happen to spell Sky; it wasn’t until high school that I started to use Sky. My father moved us to his birth State, Washington State where all my rearing took place in Kirkland. Back in the day it was frowned upon for a white woman and black man to be married and in some places outlawed but Alaska was open minded enough.

Did you have a happy childhood?  What did you want to do and be when you grew up?

I have many happy moments of my childhood but like many children that have had or having a mentally ill parent it was or is one of survival.  I was left with seizures due to shaking baby syndrome and suffocation by the hands of my mother and also dyslexia. I am very fortunate than most and I am grateful that I have the understanding of why I have these challenges. This has not left me bitter in any way of my parent, if anything this has taught me how to love unconditionally.  What a grand lesson that I learned. I was given a gift of measurement of how to love unconditionally and that is more than most get. I somehow wanted to do something of greatness, to care for my fellow humans and in my own way I have done so. Its been hard at times but the gifts and lesson of living life has been so rewarding.

A lot of people say that long before they became aware of the fact they were gay/lesbian they had a feeling of ‘otherness’, of being different to others.  Was this how it was for you?



Yes this is very true for me; I was that female in the play ground that was the prince saving the damsel. It wasn’t until my 20’s that my mother told me that she knew I was different.  Even though she did not approve she knew. Still to this day she can hardly speak the word lesbian. The reason being is because of her religious conviction as a Jehovah’s Witness. I was raised as such until I came of age and understanding that I could not and would not live a life of hypocrisy. Again it was one of those lessons in being true to self. I came out to my mother at 15-16 and to the world in 1980/81.  I was 19 years of age. This also includes my father who was also a JW but was not raised as one. All of my family has had to adjust to it.  I wasn’t the only gay.  My brother who’s a year younger than I, is also gay. He is the oldest male, I am the first born. I have two more brothers and a baby sister they are straight as the night is long.

You’ve told me you were raised Jehovah’s Witness…

First off I would like to make it clear that even though my mother was the primary abuser she had the ability to express her understanding of god and His love. I know some of your readers are going to think “oh you poor child.”  Well, this religion was the foundation to my spirituality. I gleaned from it what I needed and left the rest to man.

What sort of an impact did this have upon your mental wellbeing with regards being a lesbian?

Because of my parents reaction it set the feeling of exclusion even deeper. This is an aspect of my life that for the most part I keep private from them. Because of their reaction to this I’ve also kept the knowledge of being a Two Spirit silent to them.

What was the best reaction that you had in terms of coming out?

Mr. Carry who was my art teacher in high school understood too well of what was going on inside of me. He took the risk and became my ally.  It was a somber revelation because I believe he was either fired or transferred. Still to this day I have a deep gratitude for his risk in such a profession. The lesson: a deeper understanding of compassion and courage had set another meaning of measurement to my humanity.

Did anyone surprise you in that you thought they would hate the idea of you being gay but were actually okay with it?

Actually yes my paternal grandfather.  He understood that I am a lesbian but we never spoke on it. He was a private man but spoke when it was needed and as such supported my thinking. In his own private way he supported claiming myself as a multiracial with him reminding me that “you are also Indian”.  It was him that gave the lesson that “there is nothing ugly about you and don’t you ever forget that. God doesn’t make ugly.” I had just turned 20 and received the gift of the depth of pride. Lesson learned.

Were others not as okay with it as you hoped they would be?

Yes my paternal grandmother. God knows she tried but she would eventually ask “when am I going to have great-grandchildren” meaning “when are you going to get married?” I would respectfully say “not any time soon grandma and besides you know that’s not my way.”  I feel that she was more okay with my brother than I. It’s funny sometimes how homophobia works.

Why do you think being gay is met with such animosity from some people?

Adultism (the teachings that comes from adults that have no rational thinking. Fears are taught, hurts are taught, the entire ism’s are taught) which is supported by society that keeps the oppression rooted. The feelings of fear/shame/guilt. I think we are left with the feeling that comes from any oppression, insignificance and or badness.

What does the term ’sexual orientation’ mean to you?

I never really liked that phrase “sexual orientation” it makes it seem that somehow it’s abnormal when the truth is we all have an orientation.  It’s called sexual being and what makes sense to each individual. Barring that no harm comes from it.

You’ve also spoken about being mixed race, what kind of challenges does this present for you?

I am a minority within a minority that is within a minority. The meaning to this:  I am a Two Spirit Black Indian.  To simplify this. I’m a Lesbian. Black, Indian.  Not forgetting that my mother is white the world term that I use is multiracial/multicultural.

Where do you think racism stems from?  Is it something people can ever truly be freed from or do residual amounts of it always remain?

Historically, humans have enslaved each other for thousands of years, so it’s something that we have come to accept.  This is sad because we know that to enslave a human being, you have to treat them less than human; and this is done by instilling fear (”putting the fear of god in them”). Today, we watch the news and see that human trafficking has become even higher than we can comprehend.  Why?  It all comes down to one word again, greed. Slavery equals economic gain.  Racism is alive and well.  The good news to all of this is that now there are people who have their humanity intact and see how very wrong this is.

They challenge racism quietly compared to some movements that are well meaning. It is done by talking, listening, releasing deep feelings and, thereby gaining the understanding which promotes more rational thinking. This allows the acknowledgment of how greed supports oppression held in place by fear. The fear suppresses and oppresses the human spirit that causes one to finally believe, after much resistance, that he/she is not good and not significant.

We all have the knowledge that we are inherently good and significant.  What has to be dealt with is the recovery of this  knowledge from the confusion laid in by the oppression.  With some people, the hurt of invalidation is so deep, that it is more than just a crack in one’s self belief; at worst, it is a shattering.  This can be changed by sharing the information of why and how the freedom to express these hurts of racism can help all of us heal together.  I have seen this done.  Healing can and does happen. That is how we can end all the ism’s of oppression.

Who are your heroes/heroines?

Heroes are of all those that laid their souls to pave over the tireless road of bigotry. With their love and hope in the fight to end intolerance and held out the power of our humanity in the reality of our goodness.  I bow with gratitude, grace, understanding the gains.  I humbly say thank you my relations.

In your 20’s you’ve spoken about becoming aware of your multiracial identity?  Why was this such an important moment in your life?

As a child I was not given a chance to define myself racially but when I started to come in to my own in my very early 20’s the meaning of bi {two} lead to the thinking of tri {three} lead to the thinking of myself as multiracial and that was one of those moment of defining myself racially.  The reason I had a need to do this was I didn’t want to have the waging war of racism going on inside of me and I did not nor did I want to deny any of what created me by relatives on both sides. It seemed that the world was telling me to choose.  When I could not do so I found a way to make a choice a word that I never heard before.  The term multiracial gave me the right to be 100% human. Not just a sum of the parts.  As if I was less human because of the choice that my parents made. Besides if it wasn’t for their choosing you would not be reading this.

Do you currently follow a spiritual tradition?  If so, could you tell me how that came about and how it manifests within your life?

We went to visit our relatives in Yakima Washington and we went to a rodeo. My memory is that I fell asleep, keep in mind that I was 4 or 5.  Someone woke me up to let me know the Indians were coming in.  Even though it was an exhibition of the First Nation Peoples the drums spoke to my heart/soul/spirit. I tucked that so deep inside of me and carried that quietly until my 20’s. It was then that I was able to confirm/reclaim/ my true self as a First Nation/Indigenous/American Native Indian.   I am Two Spirited.  My friend defines Two Spirit people as a blending of male and female, a celebration of the two – a mediator between the genders.

They were the communicators of the tribe, they are excellent listeners and serve as a bridge between and within the genders. Even the term gender is too restrictive if you took a large circle of people every point on that circle could accommodate gender variance. Thus the modern term brother/ sister and sister/brother. Like in mainstream GLBT the continuum from stone butch to lipstick lesbian. It was not an issue for us or the tribe. We also mediated disputes within and among tribes. We adopted orphaned babies and were a critical part of ceremony. We named babies, performed ceremony and brought the first diversity and strength to our communities.  This is not to say that homophobia is not alive and well in the native community. We are still working on that. Especially in the area of HIV/AIDS and our full participation in the tribal circle.

The word ‘queer’ has been reclaimed now by those who fall within the LGBT community, do you think ownership of that word actually serves to take away the negative connotations or do you believe it helps to perpetuate them still further?

Humm I had to look up the meaning of queer and then go to the thesaurus well here what it reads:- adj.strange, peculiar, curious, unusual, singular, unconventional, unorthodox, out-of-the-way, out-of-the-ordinary, anomalous, queer, odd, eccentric, bizarre, weird, freakish, eerie, abnormal, aberrant, bent, deviant, oddball. After reading these words, my answer is a clear no to this being a reclaiming. All it’s doing is holding in place what we as a minority feels why in Spirits name do I still want to feel this, these are not of whom we are, that’s just my humble opinion.

How important is it that people should recognise and embrace their true identity?

What’s really important here is that our true identity is what we as a people use as a way to individualize ourselves from others and that’s a good thing or this world would be one hell of a boring world for humans. Our truer identity is our goodness.  That’s the reality, anything else is a title and beyond that it’s none of our business unless it harming another or ourselves but that wouldn’t really matter either if we all listen to each other and take on the responsibility of holding out the reality to each other of just how good we are.  What better identity could there be for us as a human race. I’m not the only one that thinks and feels like this.  There are thousands upon thousands that are leading the way on how we as a people can do this living life better.

Thank you Sky for a brilliant and thought-provoking interview.

(This interview is from June 2009)