Raven is 34 years of age and is currently in the final stages of opening her own Alternative clothing store on the Sheffield High street.
Raven, you were born and brought up in the Welsh valleys, what was that like?
I grew up in a wonderful community that contained a vast amount of my family so I was welcomed into life with open arms. I was the only girl in my small housing estate for a few years and that made me a rare joy for my two older brothers and their friends. My mum still has pictures of me in a pram being pushed around by 8 small boys. My oldest brother is my guardian angel, he guided and protected me my whole life. The hardest part of my teen life was when he went to university and mum and I pined for him so badly. My other brother was my nemesis until my teens. He married and moved out around the same time. My dad is the hardest working man I have ever met, kind, sweet, gentle and my idol. Very little phased him and even a frown from him towards me brought me to tears for hurting him. My mum is a very matriarchal, dominant woman. The oldest of 8 and made to bring her siblings up whilst her parents worked.
You are from a very large, close-knit family. Was that advantageous to a youngster growing up?
Being in a small town with hundreds of family surrounding you makes you feel safe,warm, protected and confident. We were never rich and my parents often struggled to make ends meet but we never went without.
Your Mum's side of the family produced a number of singers. At what age did you discover your own vocal talents and what were the circumstances surrounding that?
Many of my mum's family are singers. We ruled the clubs of south Wales and at least one of my aunts, uncles or cousins could be found working on a Saturday. I had many babysitting jobs as a very adult 8 yr old. When I was about 9, we took our small touring caravan to a local seaside town and in the market was a travelling recording studio. For £3.00, you could sing to a backing tape and he would provide you with a tape of your performance. Imagine being a small child surrounded by professional singers and how nervous I was trying it out. So this small, plain, pudgy child shuffled through the crowd with her last bit of pocket money and asked for Whitney Houton's "Greatest Love Of All."
As she sang the first few words, the crowd fell silent and at the final notes, a riot ensued. Screams, cheers, stamping and the guy was inundated with requests for tapes of the performance. I ended up singing 3 more songs which he released as an album to buy only on that day. Looking back, I guess I made that guy a lovely profit. I ran back to my parents and handed my mum the tape and she played it. She sat there with tears in her eyes and said it was lovely. Dad came in and asked who the singer was and they smiled when I told them it was me. It took 2 hours before people came up and told my parents how much they loved my singing in the market. Grandfather was called to listen lol. We called him Don Billy as he was most definately the head of the family and every bit as infamous and frightening as Don Corleone. He sat and listened and nodded a few times then sat back and patted my head. Very nice dear.
Within weeks I was driven to the local singing teacher and studied with her for a year before confiding in her that I loved Opera and wished I could be that talented. We secretly changed lessons. When I was 14, I was allowed to perform 1 song in a small local club for charity. It was Jennifer Rush's Power of love. The show ran pretty late and the act after my song was really pushy and rude so part way through my song, they 'accidentally' turned off the power and lights and waited for me to run off crying. Anyone who knows me will know that's the last thing I would do. I changed songs and kicked into 'Think of me' from Phantom of the Opera. My training allowed me not to need a mic or a backing tape and I was bullied into 3 more songs before they ended the night.
You found religion as a teenager, what impact did this have on you?
When I was 15, I found religion in a small local Pentecostal church. My singing became less clubs and more gospel and I began to write new hymns for the church. I assisted in Sunday school and in the children's clubs and threw myself completely into being a good Christian. My youth group was around 20 in number and I never knew who was going out with who from one day to the next. It was a sort of wife swapping between the group lol. Despite having a huge adoration for one of the boys there, I never once thought about kissing him or ever got jealous when he worked his way through the other girls.
Your Dad lost his job. Could you tell me a bit about what was happening for you at around that time? Were you aware of your sexuality by then?
At 17, My dad was made redundant and money was incredibly tight so on my 18th birthday I applied for a job at the local bingo hall. The church hated me working where there was gambling and after many disapproving comments, I gave up the church to help out my family. On a work's night out, I met Chris, a very tall and well built guy who was quiet, sensitive and a wonderful listener. We clicked immediately and he became my life. I all but moved in with him within weeks and it was then that things began to change. I met his ex Lauren and began to feel a rather large attraction to her. She explained she was bi and what it meant. Her words stayed in my head long after Chris and I parted.
You went back to church. You married and had children....
I went back to church at 19 and in a youth camp I met Alex, a big, cuddly funny guy and we struck up a great friendship. By the end of the week, we were pretty much pushed by the youth leaders into a relationship. A year later we were married and had 2 sons within a year of each other. We left the church and moved to a new offshoot church.
When you became aware that your marriage wasn't as it should be, were the church supportive of your need to break free from that?
Alex knew I didn't love him and I don't believe he ever loved me but in a Church capacity we were the perfect couple. We ran the children's clubs and took over all the music on stage. We wrote and performed beautiful songs both in Churches and in rallies. We were a total success except when we got home. He was in and out of jobs on a whim and ran up huge bills buying guitars and equipment we couldn't afford then selling them for a pittance when the food ran out. Our youngest child was born physically disabled and was also diagnosed with severe ADHD and Tourette's syndrome and very little sleep was to be had. Pretty soon the anger became abuse and I ran to the Pastor and his wife for support. I was told God would not give me anything I could not cope with, things would change and told to go back. Suprisingly, things got worse and worse and he was promoted higher and higher in the church.
You managed to get away all the same...
After 7 yrs of marriage, I couldn't take anymore and I left him. I left with nothing but the clothes we stood up in and moved into a small house in the next village which was sold out from under us and we had to move back with him after only a year. I filed for divorce and the abuse continued. The children and I retreated into 2 bedrooms and lived that way for 6 months.
At what point did Bane enter your life? Can you tell me what he did/has done for you in terms of helping you reconcile with who you are?
In this time, I met a lovely Pagan guy called Bane. We chatted constantly for 3 months before he pretty much ordered me to move out before it was too late. After a particularly nasty episode that night I ran to my parent's house with the children until I got a flat. I arrived a shell of myself, broken, scared, ashamed and depressed. At this point the Church leaders made it incredibly clear that I was not welcome back there.
We talked about everything and anything sometimes until dawn and I finally admitted to him, the only time I had said it out loud, that I had feelings for a girl. He was incredibly supportive and urged me to try a relationship with a girl. I had a fantastic long term friendship from College and we went out most weekends and one night, I told her I was curious and one thing led to another and it was so natural to me. So started my love for women.
My ex was still abusive and Bane managed to find me a place in Sheffield to escape and build a new life. I met a few lovely ladies online and one or two managed a place in my heart and in my bed for a short while. I fell in love with a lovely woman called Gemma but it was a bad time for us both and after tears and recriminations, it ended. I regret that more than any other decision in my life and I miss her daily. I can look back on my life as a victim or as a survivor. I prefer to see a few years' blip in a good life and try to forget it's effect. Most of the time it works and I'm so happy but as all women who have experienced domestic violence, it flashes back without warning and you feel small and scared once more. I am currently back writing songs and poetry and in the process of getting funding to open my own gothic clothing store.
You also found a new outlet for your spirituality, what has that been like?
Bane began to teach me about Paganism and I suddenly realised who I was. Everything I wanted from the Church suddenly made sense in this lifestyle. I flourished and questioned and opened myself up to the most amazing and magical world around me. The bright, confident girl began to peep through and he made me feel whole again.
We met through the social networking site Pretty Pink Pearl, what drew you to the site? What do you glean from it?
Bane sent me a link a few months ago and after failed attempts at making friends on Faceparty, Gaydar and Plenty of fish, I was so happy and suprised to find PPP was the most perfect place to meet real, down to earth ladies and lovely men who genuinely do only want friendship. I’ve had stalkers, psychos and jealous ladies from the other sites but the people on PPP have been the most wonderful and supportive community. We all have our bad, low days but within minutes of entering the chat room, you have a dozen friends with a ready ear and skilled advice. Thank you roomies, you’ve saved my sanity more than once.
Are you a frequent attendee of Pride events? If so, what Prides do you have lined up this year? What was your first Pride event?
My first Pride event was this year in Sheffield. I took my sons and we had the most amazing day. It was so relaxing, welcoming and the friendships I’ve made are fantastic. Both of my boys felt happy and at ease and we danced til the sun went down. It was fantastic to see such a large crowd of people and not a single negative word was spoken all day. I wore one of my gothik dresses and even now people from Pride are recognising me from there. I’m hoping to go to Brighton Pride next month too. Depends on whether I can find somewhere to stay.
What does pride mean to you? How important is it to live as yourself?
I spent my teens and twenties trying to be the perfect christian/heterosexual wife, mother and woman. The lies twisted my self worth and my reality until I lost myself along the way. It took isolation from the Church and my ex husband and help from close friends to help me finally find the real me. I still see myself as aged 17 because that’s when the conformity began and I suppose I’ve reverted back to reclaim thoese years. Luckily, I’m still cute and youthful in appearance so I can usually get away with flirting and teasing. I am so proud of both my sexuality and my Pagan heritage, they are the main contributors of what makes me intrinsically me. What’s not to be proud of?
Are you now comfortable within your sexuality?
Incredibly so. All my friends know and I’ve lost not one of them suprisingly. Even my Christian friends are accepting and are happy for me. My family know unofficially as I’ve not hidden my sexuality, neither yelled it from the rooftops so they don’t make an issue of it at all.
Do you have any heroes/heroines?
The sufferagettes movement, for getting up and fighting for their rights. Bane of course, for being the best friend any woman could ever hope to meet and also Dawn French, for being the most gorgeous, gutsy, funny BBW lady in show business.
How would you describe yourself in 5 words?
Childlike, mischievious, cheeky, loving, loyal and trustworthy.
How would those who know and love you describe you?
Hyperactive, quirky, a total flirt and warm hearted I hope.
What's your favourite band/album of all time?
Has to be Evanescence, Open Door. Amy Lee is an amazingly emotional singer and I recently discovered a stolen private track online and it is so very close to my heart with her honesty and love.
Are you currently reading any books? Do you have a favourite author?
I’m rereading my Terry Pratchett collection at the moment, just finished the Dan Browns in readiness for the new one. Next I’m moving onto David Eddings Belgariad series as I just found them in a box in the cellar.
What do you do for work?
At the moment I work part time without pay in Bane’s gorgeous little showroom, Runewood in Sheffield. It’s his passion and his baby. Hopefully in a few months, I will be opening my own alternative clothing store in line with Bane’s called Raven’s Cauldron. I hope to supply emo, gothik, punk and retro users for lots less than the high street stores. I have a solid work ethic. Why should a person whose individuality pushes them to wear out of the ordinary clothing, have to pay hundreds of pounds for the basic right to look the way they feel? Alternative clothing is incredibly overpriced and often more than twice the manufacturer’s rrp.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?
Hopefully with a successful clothing range with franchises around the uk and maybe even worldwide. Every one of them working with my strict ethics of customer before profit. An army of men and women determined to stand on their own two feet, heads held high and able to stick to their principles.
Thank you Raven for a thought-provoking and insightful interview.
Runewood - the website of Runewood Marketing.
(This interview is from July 2009)
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