Deanna Cruz is 22 and lives in Milwaukee, WI, United States. She graduated last August (2008) with an Associates Degree in Allied Health. She is a Certified Medical Assistant (CMA). She's currently working as a scheduler/receptionist and an assistant technican at an MRI Facility. Her future goal is to work at a Fertility Clinic that specializes in assisted reproductive technologies. She'd love to help same-sex couples start families.
Deanna, could you tell me about your upbringing? Where are you from? What was family life like?
I was born in Milwaukee in '86. I am the youngest of 3 girls, and I come from a family that has had a rocky past. My childhood was hard. We moved around a lot. My mom worked 2 jobs, and was a hairdresser "under the table." She collected state assistance until I was about 6. She hated it so much. My dad was in and out of the picture while growing up. He, along with my grandpa, are the only men I have ever loved.
When did you become aware of your sexuality?
I was young. Like 8/9.
You've spoken about having attended Catholic school, did this make the coming out process harder?
Of course. The entire time I was taught that homosexuality was wrong.. God doesn't want his children to be gay. It made it hard to come to terms with it, firstly. But it made it really hard to tell my family (more than my friends). My friends had nothing to do with my religion, just my family.
Can you recall the first person you told and what their reaction was?
Well firstly, I told myself. I was freaked out. After that I told my very best friend from High School. She hugged me. I started crying and shaking. I didn't want to lose her. She was all I had. She was perfectly okay with it. It didn't change anything between us. Thankfully. I did lose alot of friends though.
Did you have any outlets during this time to ease what you were going through?
I started writing when I was like 13ish. I wrote all the time. I wrote everything. I carried a wire-bound notebook with me everywhere I went. Music and writing were my outlets. I'd turn my music up all the way, and just write for hours.
Were your family supportive of you throughout your coming out process? Was it hard for them to deal with you being a lesbian? How have they dealt with it since then?
My coming out broke my family apart. My dad couldn't deal with the fact that his only biological daughter (my sisters' father is different) was gay and we would not be able to walk me down the aisle. My mom blamed herself and my sisters thought it was a phase. Its been a long 9 years since then. We have since repatched everything and gotten back on the path of being a family. But when my family fights, I blame myself. My oldest sister is proud of me for standing tall and living my life my way. My middle sister enjoys being with me at Pride. The way my sisters love me makes me want to cry.. I am so lucky. Luckier than most. As for my parents, they both love me unconditionally and promise to never turn their backs on me.
They have come to accept it, in fact, my father brought me back some rainbow pride stuff from Puerto Rico when he went to visit which is huge for him. My mother, she is proud. She accepts, and understands, but she isn't ready to shout it from the rooftops just yet. My mom's youngest brother and his wife do not understand. They do not invite my partner to family functions. I do not go either because of this. I am not really allowed around my 4 younger cousins either. My grandparents know, but again, they do not shout it from the rooftop. They accept my partner and I am thankful for that, especially in a strict Catholic family. I am so proud of them and really lucky to have them.
Do you follow a religious/spiritual tradition?
I'm Catholic, I guess. I don't really go to Church. I see no need to sit in a huge room with a bunch of strangers, singing and praying. I pray on my own. Every night. I believe in God and I believe He made me the way I am for a reason. I do pray alot though. I pray as much as I write. Praying helps me relax.
What does pride mean to you? How important is it to live as yourself?
Pride. It's such an amazing word. I've went through various phases with my "pride." I went through the phase where everything I did was about my pride. I sported the rainbow heavily. Everyone had to know I was gay, because I thought that's what pride meant. Since I've grown up, I've contained my pride. I don't hide who I am, but I don't broadcast it either. I do wear a black cord bracelet that has the pride colors on it. It's very subtle. I am a very proud person. Not just of my orientation, but everything. I am a strong hispanic lesbian who has risen above my environment. I am a success, not a failure. I feel most at ease when I am with "family." And by family I mean my lesbian/gay/bi friends. I can be me. I don't have to censor what I say.
If someone was contemplating coming out, what advice would you give them?
Think, then act. Coming out is never easy, but it is worth it in the end. Always be true to yourself. Don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong, or selfish, or anything negative. Be happy. Follow your heart.
What invaluable lessons have you learned through being a lesbian?
No one can break you except yourself. Always hold your head high. God made you who you are and He loves you. God is always on your side, and those who use His words against you will have their day. That - And nothing matters but family, friends, love and happiness.
Are you romantically involved? If so, what does this bring to your life?
Yes. I have been for 2.5 years. I have the most amazing partner. She loves me at my worst, and helped me achieve my best.
There are no words. For me, and this is just personal.. Being out and proud is easier with someone at your side. Not just anyone though.. Someone who loves you so deeply that nothing else matters. I can be lesbian and be single. I have no problems with being single. It's just a whole different ball game when you are in a relationship and out. Especially because I am huge on PDA. Its just me.
What are you reading/listening to at the moment?
I am a huge Something Corporate fan. Their music is amazing. Lyrically and musically. I'm not reading anything right now, but I do love to read.. Nicole Foster is a great lesbian erotica editor. My favorite book of all time is The Catcher in The Rye. It's such an awesome book.
Any heroes/heroines?
My grandma, my mom, and my sisters. They are such strong women. I hope one day I can be even half the woman they are. My grandma and mom have fought their entire lives to keep our family together. They are blessings.
What are your future plans?
Marriage. Hopefully. I'd love to have kids, but I feel selfish bringing them into a world filled with hate and intolerance. I guess we just have to see where the road takes me. I'm up for anything. Hopefully God will continue to bless me and the ones I love.
How would your friends describe you?
Insane, probably. But I don't mind. I'm the one who is always there for everyone else. I'm the listening ear. The one they come to for advice. I was actually nicknamed "The Gay Dear Abby." I just naturally give out advice. And usually.. I'm right, which is a wicked plus! I love my friends. They are my life. I'm loud and playful. I'm usually the party starter. I am COMPLETELY random. :)
Thank you Deanna for an enjoyable and insightful interview.
(This interview is from June 2009)
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